U reach out or sit back

[star1]

Thanks Star1. Since he's really just not bothered with me a whole lot, I'm seeing things A LOT more clearly. I'm alright now. A lot of pain has ceased and even faster than I thought. I'm gonna pass that off to the fact that venus came out of retrograde and went direct today. So, the energies aren't as intense anymore. I'm getting there. Thanks hun.

It's okay, I'm glad you're beginning to feel better and stronger. There's nothing worse than seeing a woman feel demoralised because of a man, and I hope you realise your worth. 

[LAW1974]

To add to my previous comment: If you reach out to a person that broke up with you, and did so in a negative way by lying, cheating, sabotaging in whatever way, then you are just asking them to keep doing that to you. The guy I'm dealing with now broke up with me and then threw a fit because I wasn't reaching out to him. I was like huh? YOU broke with ME and then expect me to chase you? No dude. Not happening. I'm not going to play those games. If you didn't want to break up then you shouldn't have behaved in those ways and said you were done. Now it's time for you to grow up and fix things. If you want me, show me. Otherwise, last I knew, you didn't want me cause you broke up with me.

If I'd continue to reach out to him then I'm just feeding his ego and enabling his shitty behavior. Nope. Ain't happening. And if we never speak again, then we don't. And it wouldn't be because I didn't care about him, rather it would be because I have to start caring about me too and not exposing myself to such pain. When he decides to change, I will know it because I will see different behaviors and hear different things that match those behaviors. Until then, nope. I don't want to hurt anymore. Period.

OKay I soooo needed to read this....  My ex broke up with me.  It was kind of a fit and he sabotaged the relationship totally!  Im pretty sure he needed some validation from me and wanted me to chase him (b/c he broke up with me because of something I did).  What Im struggling about contact is A. I made a lot of mistakes (as did he) toward the end and I have a lot of guilt.  B. a few days after the breakup, I accused him of cheating and lying which turned into a text war.  We live a mile from each other and run a little bit in the same circle so I have a lot of inner turmoil.  Even if we never get back together (it would take a lot to work through if we do) I need a bit of closure and to not always be worried he's where I am when I show up.  I kind of want to reach out to see (and hope) he responds so I know we can be "friends" and then the ball is in hia court to come back to me and I can decide what I want to do. 

[Fidget1028]

To add to my previous comment: If you reach out to a person that broke up with you, and did so in a negative way by lying, cheating, sabotaging in whatever way, then you are just asking them to keep doing that to you. The guy I'm dealing with now broke up with me and then threw a fit because I wasn't reaching out to him. I was like huh? YOU broke with ME and then expect me to chase you? No dude. Not happening. I'm not going to play those games. If you didn't want to break up then you shouldn't have behaved in those ways and said you were done. Now it's time for you to grow up and fix things. If you want me, show me. Otherwise, last I knew, you didn't want me cause you broke up with me.

If I'd continue to reach out to him then I'm just feeding his ego and enabling his shitty behavior. Nope. Ain't happening. And if we never speak again, then we don't. And it wouldn't be because I didn't care about him, rather it would be because I have to start caring about me too and not exposing myself to such pain. When he decides to change, I will know it because I will see different behaviors and hear different things that match those behaviors. Until then, nope. I don't want to hurt anymore. Period.

Exactly! And if they learn that lesson (giant "if"), it takes a looooong time. We usually move on by then. Good riddance. No woman deserves that nonsense. I am learning that now.

[11jlady]

 @Law: The thing is, we all make mistakes in our relationships but a mature person talks about it, forgives, and moves forward with the relationship. I'm not saying things like cheating should be forgiven 100 times over, but we all get moody, or say stuff that we later regret etc. How relationships last decades is because both people are understanding and are able to love the other person flaws and all and both people work on change and becoming better as best they can.

There are those that will literally break up with you each time you say something they don't like, mess up in some small way etc. and they use that as a means to control the situation. They don't really want to break up but they are using it to punish you and then want you to chase after them. I've made mistakes too and said things I shouldn't have, but when I apologize and work on it, I don't expect to be broken up with, ignored, etc. I expect to be forgiven the same as I forgive. If you have one person trying to control things and act as though they've never made a mistake ever and makes it a point to make you feel like a complete piece of shit over your mistake..........while you are sitting there forgiving that same person for their mistakes and you don't use break ups as a means to control etc etc............then that's called emotional abuse.

I don't know your situation but it sounds to me like maybe your POI uses break ups as a means to control the situation and your behavior and get you to behave how he sees fit. I could be wrong though. But if he IS doing that, it's immature and abusive.