Update... omg.

[Bostongirl]

There are always two sides to every story. We only have one side and not all the details. They both went through a loss. Only Sunshineluv7 knows all those details. We can't sit here and judge and say he's an arsehole. They were engaged and planning a wedding. I hope they can talk and sort this out. Whether they move forward, postpone or separate lets hope its the right decision for both of them.

[sunshineluv7]

Hi all.

I just read through everything, and I was so touched by how much caring was here. I haven't logged back in until today, it's just been a whirlwind. I obviously feel... well, I don't know the word for it. After spending a lot of money on readings in like, 2 days (you all know how easy it is to do that), I suddenly realized - without reading comments here - it didn't matter one cent what any of them said. When it's that serious, even if it is 2 weeks away before he "comes back" - a relatively short time - that feels like centuries away. And it dawned on me, if I can't talk to this person, we're absolutely f-ked, anyway.

And there's no "advice" out there for that level of relationship, either. And all the issues are amplified by it being long distance.

So, I texted him a short novel, to get it all out, and that opened a dialog.

We agreed we had several areas we need to work on, so maybe we don't get married right now. We stayed together. But of course, it doesn't feel the same at all.

And to be honest, I'm not seeing any effort from him. I'm supposed to move at the end of June like I was before. And that's the only way we're going to know if this is going to work out between us, or not. And it's really scary.

And part of me agrees with the comments here - that what kind of person, does that to someone.

But another part of me... well, one of my mains did say - to the grief point - that actually, this was all caused by him dealing with grief. He did really want the baby. And so she said, that in a way - without him realizing it - he blames me, for getting him excited about the baby, and then now having to feel loss, which he hasn't ever had to deal with before.

But, if a tree falls in the forest, and causes an earthquake in Japan (think butterfly effect) - does it matter?

Anyway, I've withdrawn from the relationship - I'm focusing on me and just trying to be as calm as possible (because I still feel shell shocked) - and I still don't know which way is up.

The good news is - I canceled Bitwine for good this time.  But thank you so much for all the words of support. It means a lot to me.

[njlady]

But another part of me... well, one of my mains did say - to the grief point - that actually, this was all caused by him dealing with grief. He did really want the baby. And so she said, that in a way - without him realizing it - he blames me, for getting him excited about the baby, and then now having to feel loss, which he hasn't ever had to deal with before.

When bad things happen you turn to each other and get through it together, not destroy the other person.  Can you see how selfish and short-sighted his reaction was if that statement above was true?  You didn't even enter into the equation.  What happens if you get cancer?  He dumps you by text and storms off because he was excited about being married and now he has to deal with being a widower, which he hasn't ever had to deal with before. 

I prayed very hard that God and the Universe will give you the gift of discernment as far as this man is concerned so you can see things as they are and act accordingly. I really wish you the best.

[Bostongirl]

Everyone on this board is calling about some Arsehole. ... That includes you NJlady.... Most on here are calling over some man who is not stepping up because of what ever IE married, scared of a commitment or what ever. Yet your all judging this bloke.. SMH.

[bstalling]

Meh, njlady isnt being judgey. Some of us really just need to see facts for what it is. What that guy displayed was bad behavior and likely from bad character...which is difficult to change.

[sawthelight]

Meh, njlady isnt being judgey. Some of us really just need to see facts for what it is. What that guy displayed was bad behavior and likely from bad character...which is difficult to change.

Sadly, I agree.  but only OP knows the whole story and whether or not she could get past it, should the opportunity arise for her to be with him again.

 

[Bostongirl]

Your making a Judgment on a bloke you've never met....Why people handle things differently is to do with baggage. Which all of us have. But The Arsehole your calling about is ok...Keeping calling and waiting.
That's all I'm saying.I'm not saying there is a wrong or right just you don't know every single detail. Especially coming from people that are doing the same thing. LMFAO

[sunshineluv7]

Boston: 100.

And yes, he is selfish. But not ALL selfish. I don't know what I want to do. I'm just backing off for now. If he comes forward, shows some effort, some caring, great. If not, this thing will fizzle out.

BTW, I'm also a Bostonion.

[njlady]

Everyone on this board is calling about some Arsehole. ... That includes you NJlady.... Most on here are calling over some man who is not stepping up because of what ever IE married, scared of a commitment or what ever. Yet your all judging this bloke.. SMH.

Really?  You have a tap on my phone?  I have not made on single call, ever, about my boyfriend.  I don't need to.

Have I ever called about a POI?  Sure.  I called several times before I walked on the last guy.  He's not an asshole, just not for me right now.  I'm not the type of woman who sits there and lets a guy shit on her.  That will be the day when that happens.  Trust me on that one.