whew!! I could have written this!
As far as how to stop---here is what has begun to work best for me. I tell myself I'm not going to spend a penny on readings for a week--then I push it to two weeks and so on. I seem to have to do this 'methadone' approach to kicking this heroin.
But I tell you, the best way to kick it is to see ourselves in the stories others write--like yours. When it starts to dawn on us that this really, truly is a powerful addiction and we damn sure better get ourselves off of this flypaper before it destroys our finances and stunts our lives, we can begin to pull away.
And to realize what our logical mind is screaming at us to WAKE UP to: if a man wants you, he will make it known to you. Period.
We are being extremely self destructive, hurting ourselves in desperately seeking and clinging to the kind of 'love' that doesn't seek us, that could actually care less, that runs hot and cold, that shows up, disappears---that marries somebody else out of nowhere. That have even told us bluntly they DON'T love us, but we continue, but for some sad and twisted reason, we MUST believe that they do, we just need to find the rare and brilliant psychic that can excavate the truth!
I'd venture to say anyone that finds themselves in this situation has deep, probably back to childhood, issues of fragile self worth. Probably a poor kid with parental love that just wasn't.
If we don't come to terms with this, it will cannibalize us.
We could spend the rest of lives trying to do the impossible--trying to turn something cold, indifferent into something warm and embracing---if we can accomplish this miraculous thing, it would be the greatest indicator of our worth!
I believe it's the little child in us craving our birthright to be loved and accepted---and yet for some of us that's something that has always been elusive--the warmth and true love we didn't receive from our critical, essential, first love relationships--mom or dad, or both. Maybe they are too damaged to nurture properly themselves. And so it goes...
Your post helped me. Thank you.