My Story - How No Contact Advice Got Me Into Depression

[helloworld]

Hi everyone,

I have been posting here recently but wanted to share my story in case it helps anyone. 7-8 years ago, a BF broke up with me and I couldn't handle the break up. I was super naive and started calling almost every psychic on keen randomly to get "answers". Almost 99% of psychics on keen told me the same thing -

- He loves you a lot and that has scared him
- This time apart is making him realize how much he misses you
- He is scared of losing himself to you so he pulled back, give him time to process
- He is scared of commitment but is getting over it and will commit to you
- He may be dating other women but you have nothing to worry because it only makes him realize how different you are
- There's karmic/soul connection
- Be patient
- If you believe it in your heart and have faith it will happen

... and my favorite,

- DO NOT CONTACT HIM, let him reach out

I listened to these psychics and didn't communicate with him for months and waited for HIM to contact me. This waiting period drove me crazy. I kept calling psychics every other day just to hear the exact same thing. They fed me fairytales and I naively believed them. I got into depression and couldn't think beyond. My social life, my personality and lot other things got affected. My friends and family were worried about me but didn't know what was going on because I didn't tell anyone anything. I thought if I would tell them, they wouldn't understand the "SOUL" connection the ex and I had and would tell me to move on and get real. That's why these keen psychics became my "confidantes" because I thought they could feel the connection and sure they made me believe so.

Fast forward, 10 months later, I had enough of nothing happening and I mustered enough courage to go against the NO CONTACT advice and reached out to my ex on his birthday. He responded in a few days with a sweet text. Then he texted again and I responded. I thought YAY we are back on track until he texted me saying he got engaged.

So after that experience, here's my lesson learned - I wish I hadn't listened to 99% of psychics telling me not to reach out. That waiting period made me so sick. Had I known better then, I could have prevented myself from self inflicted torture by contacting him sooner. I am not saying contact immediately after breaking up but maybe after 3-4 weeks to see if there's any reconciliation potential. I mean what's the worst case that could happen? He does not respond. That to me is an answer in itself but at least I would get some closure. Now I did reach out but only 10 months later and I got my closure but the damage had been done to my health.

Now I wonder if these psychics tell us not to contact because they know if we reach out to POI, most likely we will get our closure, one way or the other, which may result in us not calling these psychics again. That's why they tell us not to contact POI so that we keep checking in with readers to make sure everything is ok and/or to see if timelines have changed. Most of them sweet talk us and give us false hope but that hope is really nothing but a trap... to keep calling them.

I am not saying it's always best to contact because everyone's situation is different but if it is taking a serious toll on you, maybe it's better to contact and see what's going on. I know I got my closure after my ex told me he got engaged, it really hurt and I was miserable but I got my answer. I stopped calling a lot of the readers I would otherwise call weekly. It took me a year to heal and I went through therapy but at least I started the healing process. Can you imagine had I not reached out to him what could have happened? Maybe I would be waiting on him for another year or even more holding on to false hope given to me by 99% of the psychics.

Thankfully, I am less naive now, healthy again and bounced back with much better perspective. I am so grateful to be out of that phase so I wanted to share my story in case it helps.

[Kate]

So sorry to hear of your story - I honestly think the best thing for all of us is to strictly limit how many psychics we call and start a healing process - no matter how hard, or how strong the connection. 

Did any of the psychics you called pick up on another woman?

[mystery123]

Yea reading this broke my heart, I almost know how it feels when all the psychics say that the POI has feelings and to wait on it, but his actions say something different and he tells you he likes someone else.. it's devastating.. but I am so happy that you are back to being yourself and happy!

[helloworld]

Yea reading this broke my heart, I almost know how it feels when all the psychics say that the POI has feelings and to wait on it, but his actions say something different and he tells you he likes someone else.. it's devastating.. but I am so happy that you are back to being yourself and happy!

Thank you. I am so sorry it's not the happiest of stories but the only reason I wanted to share my experience was because in hindsight I wish I had access to a forum such as this one that could help me keep it real.

Again, to each their own and every situation is different but this "no contact" advice in most cases is not the best. I mean if you haven't heard from a guy in 4 or more weeks and if the lack of contact is really bothering you then sending a casual text can't really hurt. If a guy were seriously thinking of reconciliation, he would be happy if the woman reached out and if he's done, then he's done and vice versa. I don't think one harmless text can be a deal breaker.

Just something I wish someone would have told me back then so I am voicing my thoughts.

[Littl30ne]

Sometimes I think contacting is the best thing you can do because you will always get an answer based on that. A lot of psychics told me they didn't see my ex dating etc and one day I saw his picture w another woman at a wedding so obviously he moved on. The psychics aren't God they aren't going to be right 100% of the time.. that's why you should always contact if you feel like you need to. We are more powerful than we give ourselves credit for, never doubt your intuition as a woman 💖

Sorry you went through everything you told us about, I can definitely relate. I'm happy you have your clarity now and I wish you all the best!

[helloworld]

So sorry to hear of your story - I honestly think the best thing for all of us is to strictly limit how many psychics we call and start a healing process - no matter how hard, or how strong the connection. 

Did any of the psychics you called pick up on another woman?

It's been awhile and I tossed most of my notes but the 2 readers who were relatively more accurate than others are:

Ness21: Said he won't come back from day one but I am not sure if she saw the other woman. I distinctly remember her because I never called her again (until I realized she was accurate) because I was hoping he would be back.

Queen of Cups18: Saw the other woman but thought it would fizzle out but she did tell me though that relationship may lose momentum we may not get back. I read with her 2 months post the break up so I don't know if he was dating someone before he started dating his fiancee but she was correct about us not getting back together.

I don't know which reader told me that a possible reason for readers to not see the other woman is because they read energy. So if the guy is not emotionally into the other woman it could be hard for a reader to pick on the other energy in his life. I find this interesting because once during a reading QoC asked me if the man in question was living with his mother or some female since a female energy showed up in his living space. She couldn't tell exactly what the relationship was (other woman or mother) because the energy was female and controlling). Sure enough later I got to know he was living in with the new girlfriend and she is controlling.

[HornetKick]

I don't know which reader told me that a possible reason for readers to not see the other woman is because they read energy. So if the guy is not emotionally into the other woman it could be hard for a reader to pick on the other energy in his life. I find this interesting because once during a reading QoC asked me if the man in question was living with his mother or some female since a female energy showed up in his living space. She couldn't tell exactly what the relationship was (other woman or mother) because the energy was female and controlling). Sure enough later I got to know he was living in with the new girlfriend and she is controlling.

I don't think I necessarily believe this. Some readers are just better at certain things than others. If a reader can pick up the color of the car you drive, then they have skills and this has nothing to do with energy, but it doesn't help with the information they give either, because you already know what color car you drive. These little tricks are to let you know they are connecting, but the energy explanation seems off for some reason.

[Seeker]

I guess the "wait, don't act" advice is common. I was never told not to contact my POI, but Paulina told me that "she needs time" and "focus on yourself right now".

Sedra told me my POI will come forward and open up in a few months which will lead to a long-term relationship beginning toward the end of this year.

I hate that I'm even thinking about this. I don't know everyone else's situation, but I know lack of options is the problem where I live. Otherwise, as good of a catch as my POI is, there is no way I'd waste much mental/spiritual energy thinking about if I'll ever hear from her if there were more viable options around. She accepted my social media connection back in June after letting it sit for 20 days which was strange in and of itself, and I can see she reads everything I post since she connected with me, lol, but yet no reply to the elephant in the room: me opening up to her.

I sometimes feel like just deleting her and blocking her and forgetting it all, lol. But she was just so sweet and supportive and affectionate toward me during one of the absolute greatest struggles of my life. She was like an angel. SIGH.

One thing I know now though, is that I DESERVE someone like that... you know, without the months of silence of course.

[rosa0726]

I went through the same. I was told by the psychics on CP not to contact me ex. He was scared, blah, blah, blah.

Fast--forward 8 months later and he was engaged. Six months after that, he was married. I so regret that part of my life with all the wasted money. I am ashamed to admit that I could have put a down=payment on a house with the money I spent on CP. The worst part was none of their predictions came true. He never came back to me, he isn't my soul-mate and he wasn't my destiny. He has been married now for about 6 years and has 3 kids. It took a long time to heal but I am happily married now and never think about my ex anymore. But it took me years to get to this point.

Like you, I couldn't move on. After the break-up, I stayed in bed for days at a time and only went to work because I had to. When I found out he had gotten married, I was on the floor devastated. I didn't think I would ever get better. But here I am, alive and well.  I haven't called psychics in years and decided I needed to take control of my future,

Can you believe that after he got married, some of them were telling me to wait it out because his marriage wouldn't last? If I had listened, I wouldn't have met my  husband. They actually told me not to bother looking for anyone else because my ex was my destiny.

So I understand your pain. I have been there.

[Jess614]

I can relate that you’re story. I am going thru the same situation at the moment. Now I do believe space important because it allows yourself and your ex to evaluate your feelings and situation. I’ve done this strategy twice. The first time I waited two months and finally decided to try dating again and that’s where my current boyfriend. We had been together for 4 months how very on a break because I wanted more of a commitment which he is unsure of. I kid you not 10 minutes after he tells me this the guy before him I gave up on texts me lol! So of course I’m confused and I’ve had good days and bad days. I truly believe if someone really wants to be with you they will reach out. I don’t need s psychic to tell me that. It’s just common sense.

[Seeker]

I truly believe if someone really wants to be with you they will reach out. I don’t need s psychic to tell me that. It’s just common sense.

I'm going to just start quoting these wise thoughts each time I see them.

[Angelina11]

It's amazing how many posts on this site that were basically a recollection of what I went through, your post here is not an exeption. (In 4 years I've been getting readings about 2 guys I liked. First guy got into a relationship while i was getting readings, lol; the story about the 2nd guy also ended with "don't contact him" while he was living the life of his life not even thinking about contacting me, lol)
Just like you I lived for almost a year (second guy I got interested in), dumping money on psychics for them to tell me NOT TO CONTAC HIM and, preferably, get into "I DONT CARE" mode, because he "will feel it and contact me sooner" this way.  I had a few dates here and there trying to balance my emotions and distract myself from thining about him,and yes, I have listened to the psychics and did not contact the guy I was crazy about (thank God now I can say, "I was").  A year later, I had no patience left, plus my friend and ex psychic addict kept telling me to contact the guy and face the reality. I did, and now i can say that that decision played  A KEY ROLE IN healing my addiction. The guy did not get engage, but he did not give a f'''' about me either, and was actually a bit surprised that i wanted to meet.
Everything in the way he was with me showed that he had no romantic feelings left:
1) I asked him out and he did not aswer until 1 week later i texted him again. He replied with, "sure. let's meet up"
2) He did not asked me and did not care what would be a convenient time for me to meet, he simply said, "i can meet u downstairs on thursday at 9pm for drinks. I'm busy other days" (he has a bar on the 1 floor of his residential building).
3) the whole meeting was a bit awkward, thank God I had some wine to loosen up. He asked if there was anything in particular I wanted to talk about and before the meeting I felt like I did. However, I soon realized that there was indeed not much I could say, although we had a nice time chatting, it was not about rekindling a relationship between us. He told me what a wonderful year he had, that he had traveled a lot, including many countries where he has not been before and what adventures he had there; how he bought his second appartment; how he is planning to go on a 4months work trip to another country soon, etc. He said that he felt fortunate that he does not have any responsibilities, like having a family, that allows him to build himself up (thank you for a hint, sweetie ).
4) WHen we left that bar, he went straight upstairs. He did not offer me to join him, he did not say anything, like "hey, we should meet up again". I could not believe we used to have such a great romance at one point, now he looked more like a strainger. SInce that meeting 4 months ago, he contated me only once (Inever wrote him again) and it look like one big booty call. He texted me at 9pm and asked whast I was up to and if I was around. I did not answer him anything (good for me, I did not feel even slightly tempted)
After the meeting I realized how It felt like him and I were living in such a parallel universe. HOW DELUSIONAL I WAS. I FELT SO EMBARRASED. All this time I was living in hopes, daydreaming about something that was not happening. Basically, I was living in a reality that was mainly constracted by pychics and, oh gosh, they told me how he thinks that i am "too good for him and that he does not feel like he is good enough for me", how he had strong feelings towards me and how he is "fighting" and resisting to embrace his feelings fully. BUT ONE DAY very soon he will; he would not be able to hold it in any further and he will come and get me.    I think my brain had a major breakdown during that meeting, while my belives about him were the opposite of the picture. It was like  looking at a person who was nodding in approval, while saying, "no".

AFter the meeting I called two psychics again and told them about what happened and that he did not look like he liked me at all. You know what they said? They told me that I should have not contact him, if I only waited for a bit longer, he would come forward indeed. Moreover, they insisted that I wait for him, because eventually he will come forward and it was likely that he would come forward when I get interested in someone else, and at that time he will also get extremally upset and pissed that I was not giving him a chance, because he will want one. 
I am actually capable of laughing about it now, although still feel embarrased.
I never called psychics again and since then I never had even a slightest desire to call them.
P.S. as i mentioned in my other post though, I actually do believe there are some gifted and ethical readers. Three were 3 out of about 30 readers that I have tried, who told me how things were in reality. it's just i had a hard time believing them, my fault.
I can't say that I regret the whole experience either. It was definitely an extremally painful lesson, BUT it did make me think about what a actully want, what type of man i want, what type of relatinoship i want. moreover, i got to feel so incredably at peace and complete now, that I am not sure if I need a relationship. I guess, I don't mind, at the same time I feel so deeply at peace with how things are right now. It feel amazing. It is also a bit ironic, but looking back at this man I was so crazy about, I feel that I was lucky NOT to end up being with him. I truly deeply believe that I deserve so much better than what he had ever offered me and it's not like he is not good enough. He is great and amazing human being, he is the way he is and he is perfect, but i want something diferrent, not him. If I only knew on those miserable, full of rivers of tears days that one day I would be capable of writing how much ok I am without him

[Angelina11]

Yes, that closure and actually facing reality was better than ANY readings.
I've mentioned those psychics in this post:
http://www.thepsychicreviews.com/forum/index.php/topic,2614.msg44734.html#msg44734

[Seeker]

I contacted him a few times, against my own better judgment because readers told me to, but I don't think it made any difference to the outcome if I contacted him or not. I just might have spared myself more aggravation and heartache if I had left him alone. It never mattered what I did, he did not shut me out because of anything I did or didn't do, he shut me out because he couldn't do what it takes to be with me.

That's how I feel about contact. Nothing you do is going to change how the person feels in the sense that if they wanted to contact you they would. Plus for me, I've never been the chasing type so once I've told you what I needed to tell you I'm not going to do it again. It's up to you at that point.