Hey guys, it's been a long time and still the person I was told would come back to me hasn't. I’m here to weigh in and try to offer you a bit of help/guidance/understanding even though I’m kind of in the same boat as all of you are right now and I’m still grappling with some hard truths that I don’t necessarily want to accept. But I just wanted to say this, and it might piss you off and you might disagree or think I’m wrong and that’s fine too. I kind of had an awakening, after a night of bawling my eyes out to the point of being sick and hitting yet another low point waiting for my elusive “person” or “my soulmate” or ex girlfriend or whatever you want to call them to return to me with no tangible results or indication that they give any type of shit or want to be with me whatsoever. I hit low points like these pretty often (like once a month) when I see something that triggers or upsets me, I suffer needlessly a lot, and I’ve grown rather tired of it and after some thinking about it, I've come to a realization.
The thing is, when we call psychics and when we talk to all these people: this is an addiction. It may not look like it because we’re not snorting coke off of a strippers big toe or drinking until our livers begin to fail us, there’s no real physical consequences and for some of you the bank account may be hurting while others of you might have the funds to sustain this habit. But regardless, my point is just that it is a habit. It is an addiction, maybe not a dangerous one, but let’s compare it to something like over-eating. Food isn’t bad for you, eating too many potato chips won’t kill you and depending on your metabolism it might not even make you fat. You know it’s bad for you long term, but in the moment it makes you feel pretty good and offers you an instant pleasure to avoid something more difficult and arduous like cooking a healthy meal. Eventually, that becomes addicting and the overeater becomes addicted to the taste and easyness of crappy packaged food and it becomes a “comfort” to them (hence why it’s called comfort food) and they use it as a tool of escape and become addicted to that kind of food, not because they even like it that much but because it’s become a habit and the short term good feeling it brings them is pleasurable. But it’s not sustainable, because eventually they will become obese and if not that they will have other health issues and be very deprived of good vitamins and nutrition that real fresh food offers, not to mention they will be a sucky cook. What’s good for us is almost never easy and it almost never feels instantly amazing.
The same thing goes for psychic readings. When you call these people, one after another (because you can never be satisfied because it is an addiction), what you’re really doing is paying people to tell you what you want to hear. You are paying someone who questionably may or may not even be “psychic” to tell you things are looking up and everything will magically get better with no actual logic or reasoning as to WHY or HOW that will happen, other than because next month the stars and the moon and the left shoe hanging from that telephone wire outside your house will align and they can sense that things will start to look up for you. But when the time comes for everything to align and everything to happen, it never does. Things never change, that person doesn’t randomly text you on June 17th or at 7pm (because they’re seeing a lot of 7s) and things don’t go the way you wanted. Notice how you get so offended when a psychic may tell you what you don't want to hear? Is this because they are right and you really trust this persons guidance and think they know it all? No. And if you do, don't. It's because it brings you face to face with a reality that you do not want to accept, and brings to you the exact thing you have been avoiding: which is the idea of the ever-painful process of moving on and letting go. When things don't happen the way you were promised they would you feel stupid, and perhaps the worst feeling of all, you feel stuck in the past. Still holding on to a person or situation which, try as you might to hold on to, has left you and changed with time and evolved and moved on while you’ve spent time and money only to remain stuck in the same exact place that you were. Maybe not physically, maybe not even mentally (because your brain KNOWS it’s all a bunch of bullshit and it knows what’s going on), but emotionally. Your heart. I understand it’s harder for some of you to let go than it is for me. Maybe you’re calling in about a husband who left you, or a long-term partner who you planned a life with and they ran away with someone else and not just a girlfriend you had for a little while. Yes that’s so devastating and horrible and it still makes you want to die inside just thinking about it I’m sure. But as my mom would tell me, and the advice I tend to give to my friends who were going through tough times, is that THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH. Meaning sooner or later, in order to unstick yourself and feel good again, you're going to need to face the fact that this person is gone, they have been gone for a while, and they are no longer any of your business or your responsibility.
But isn’t there also something SO incredibly liberating about unpacking the weight of the actions and decision of another person which are entirely out of your control (and beyond the realm of yourself or any psychic to know about) and say “fuck it, whatever?" By calling once every couple of weeks or every day, you’re continuing to hold on to all this stale old heavy baggage, when really you don’t have to. You could drop it off at the side of the road anytime you want. You could make the decision any time to finally go through the painful but necessary process you’ve been avoiding of letting go.
An easy life, one without pain and suffering does not exist. Yes, if this person contacted you or came back to tell you what a dumb mistake they made and how what they really want is to be with you and treat you the way you want and make it work, maybe you would feel better for a couple weeks. But because it’s our natural biological compulsion to solve problems, as soon as that high were to wear off, new problems would arise. Why is that person so annoying? Why do they treat you like this? Maybe they truly haven’t changed and it’s going to be the same thing over again. Only this time, you’ll feel extra stupid because you spent so much time and money waiting for this person to return to you in hopes that they could end your suffering and make you happier than you were without them, only to realize that isn’t the case and the whole time you were looking at the past relationship you had with them through nostalgic rose-tinted glasses. In fact, maybe you get them back only to realize your life was actually more bullshit-free without them and what you REALLY wanted was to move on and be happy with another person who is much better suited for you, but you never even gave yourself the chance to because you spent so long CLINGING to the past baggage that is your already failed relationship with this person. What you're really doing by calling psychics constantly is trying to get the special cosmic update and feel like you’re cheating the system of having to deal with the painful yet necessary process of accepting your trauma, leaving the baggage at the roadside, and moving forward with your life in a healthy way.
There’s no such thing as a life without suffering or a life without pain. What you need to do is first accept that. Then, once you have accepted that, you need to ask yourself “is this worth suffering for?” “Is this worth it?” Truly, ask yourself, is the suffering you’re going through right now waiting around for someone who may or may not ever call and holding on to past memories and torturing yourself by replaying things over and over in your head until you drive yourself mad because you can’t let go, is that suffering of better quality and worth more to you than the suffering you will feel when you let go and decide to move on without this person? And the suffering and pain you may feel trying to open up to new people? I can almost guarantee you that it's not, because in one instance you suffer and stay stuck and keep suffering, and in another instance you suffer but you also grow and change and move forward and form new and rewarding relationships and have new and rewarding experiences.
Also, lets talk for a second about the fact that you shouldn't trust these people either way because 99.9999999% of them aren't some mystical all-knowing gurus. Don't put them on that sort of pedestal or give them that power over you. They are just some regular joe living in a 2 bedroom bungalow in Iowa with a mortgage they can't pay off and their own set of personal issues to worry about, who really don't know anything more about yourself or the person you're calling about or the universe or the stars or the shoe hanging from a telephone wire outside your house than you do. Messaging a random stranger on the internet spilling your guts to them and expecting them to have all the answers you need to find happiness is ridiculous, right? Well that's exactly what you are doing, and you're paying to do it too. The only difference is these people call themselves "psychics" which, by the way, anyone can do and is completely unregulated and unlicensed and even if it is "licensed" or they are "proven" theres something to be said for getting people to believe your bullshit and some people are better at it than others. Ever hear about that kid in Florida who passed himself off as a doctor for months without even completing a high school degree until someone finally caught on and exposed him? People aren't so hard to fool, and there are people out there who will scam you in the most unimaginable ways possible all because they talk themselves up and bullshit so artfully that you really believe it. That's exactly what so many, if not all, of these "psychics" are and that's what their exact job description is. This person isn't a prophet, they don't know the future (or else why wouldn't people like Obama and Oprah be calling them?), they don't have the answers you seek, and all you are doing when you pay thousands of dollars to call them is receiving a quick fix to alleviate your pain and put off having to move on and deal with the pain of acceptance you've been avoiding. The only person who can determine and create your future is you, and thats a fact, so you might as well empower and unstick yourself and get started.
So sure, at the end of the day this person may have left you and moved on to find happiness without you. But you know who else can do that? You can. You can do the exact same thing. And MAYBE what that one psychic told you is right, maybe they really aren't as happy without you and they can't stop thinking about you and they will reach out to you some day to express that to you, who knows. The point is how that person feels and what they think should be none of your business, and it shouldn't matter. You should make the uncomfortable painful decision (which is what I am doing) to move on with your whether you do or don't ever hear from this person again. If this is all too confusing and hurtful to read, maybe just pause and try telling yourself this (because its true): If it's supposed to happen, eventually it will. But you can't wait around, you can't assume that it's meant to happen or think that it will, and no matter what you still have to do your best to suck it up and deal with the painful but rewarding process of moving on, opening your heart up to someone new (and probably just as great cause no offence but it's not like your ex was Nick Jonas or Mark Zuckerberg or Margot Robbie, okay, get real. Like, were they really THAT great and amazing and special?), and leaving the past exactly where it belongs. Love yourself, be present, accept the pain that life brings and learn to love it and dance with it and understand that it is necessary to feel true rewarding happiness, and get ready to open yourself up again and embark on the exciting growth that awaits you in your future. Remember, breakups are all uniquely painful for different reasons, but the common thing is that everyone does experience pain and loss of some sort. There is no perfect happy relationship without even the slightest of struggle. There is no human being who is happy all the time and feels they have solved all their problems. What makes a happy person, is someone who learns to embrace the problems they have, accept that they will always be faced with some sort challenge whatever that may be, and enjoy the process of problem solving. The right person will value you, and the struggle and hardships that come with your relationship will exist but they won't be so terrible and they will most definitely always feel worth it and they won't pick up and leave. No one that loves you the way you deserve at that point in time will ever leave you, remember that. So take the time to realize that the only way out, is through and the only way to find the happiness you are seeking is to accept that it hurts to let go and do it anyways and begin your journey and growth. No matter what happens, letting go is something you cannot avoid and you must do it.
"I pulled myself up and told myself to stop these ridiculous thoughts, wondering why it is that we can never stop trying to analyse the motives of people who have no personal interest in us, in the vain hope of finding that perhaps they may have just a little after all."
– Barbara Pym, Excellent Women
