Hi there,
I just wanted to share something I read about trauma bonds. This may help you start healing, or anyone on this board as tough as it is. It seems like most of us have gone through these types of relationships, and now is the time to really focus on your healing, and giving yourself what you need. Does this sound familiar?
"Unfortunately, for many people, when they try to leave these relationships they are so bonded to their abuser that they return. Others don't try to leave at all, and are only freed from the clutches of the abuse when they are discarded.
An abusive relationship with a narcissist or psychopath tends to follow the same pattern: idealisation, devaluation, and discarding. At some point, the victim will be so broken, the abuser will no longer get any benefit from using them.
They may have totally bankrupted them, or destroyed their confidence, or worse, and they move on to their next target."
"When you try and leave, you are plagued by
such longing to get back with your partner you feel it might destroy you. "
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/10-steps-to-recovering-from-toxic-trauma-bond-0110175https://www.businessinsider.com/trauma-bonding-explains-why-people-often-stay-in-abusive-relationships-2017-8Message me if you need someone to talk to. Spend time in nature, look into volunteering, treat yourself to a nice Epsom salt bath or massage, or even a day off from work where you sip coffee and sit on the grass. Little steps forward, and don't put yourself down, this isn't your fault, but this can make you wiser and lead you to the love you deserve, the love of yourself and a healthy partner.