Have to say I STILL don't think it's as black and white as some people put here.
if the man..lives in your area, you haven't known him long, don't have much of a history/nothing "serious" ish happened - then if he disappears, sure, it means he wasn't that into you/into the idea of a relationship/was more into someone else, whatever. And sometimes the sign that he comes back IS the proof he is in love, or maybe was more in love than he realized. I've had guys come back 3 months, 6 months, 2 years, and now 4 years later - (not talking about the one who i love) - and those guys weren't "in love" but they were "in like" enough to come back when they grew up some.
Trust in your connection if you had one. and YOU are the best judge of that.
I think a LOT of times men who are in more serious situations "disappear" because - honestly - they don't have the natural communication skills/words to explain what they are feeling/thinking in any way that makes "sense" enough for them to tell us that. They also instinctively know we will likely question and try to talk them out of it and will be upset and so all that together the easier thing is to avoid. And it's not always a definitive thing, from what I've seen it's more often because they don't know what they want to do, it's not a "no" but it's not a "yes" and instead of lead someone on they'd rather figure stuff out on their own and come back/hope it works out once that's all taken care of.
Is that right? No. My guy even said that. He's not saying what he did is right, but he did offer the best explanation he could. did he have concerns about us? Yes. So it's not like it was for absolutely no reason. But I also didn't know what the concerns were, and he didn't have the communication skills to tell me.
So I really think the best or most accurate "conclusion" would be - if a guy disappears for no reason you can guess it, it's because he lacks communication skills that would allow him another way of telling you he needs space. And no, they can't tell you for how long. They like you, but can't go forward at that time for whatever reason, and don't want to officially break it off because they know that you ARE someone they could see themselves with.
AND, when they don't hear from us, they also assume we didn't care much anyway. I've had more than one guy say that to me in the past.
Guys are dense, and not as good at picking up at nuance as we are in communication and sensing feelings and otherwise. Just thinking about flirting, half the time they don't realize you're flirting unless you're very direct!
BUT let's not brush over the most important part of this thread - in BOTH of our cases the impetus for moving things forward or at least opening the communication channel was on OUR sides, taking power in our own lives and saying screw the outcome at least I can try. EVEN when well-meaning readers said don't contact or wait for him, etc.
I WILL say it's true what they say, a LOT of a mans sense of worthiness comes from job/career, and until that piece is in place or if he doesn't know where his future is going, a good man won't really feel like he can position a woman there with him. so if you know there's something around that area going on in his life, you can guess - even if it won't make sense to us as women - because to us relationships are what define us - that you are a distant second, maybe even third.
So you could read this and say a smart woman wouldn't want a man like that anyway - well, sure. But falling in love or pining after someone is not a logical thing, it's an emotional thing. And if we could say "I only want to date someone with X emotional intelligence" -- how would you even find that out, before it's "too late"? Rhetorical question.
