I was about to reply soon to realize that nothing I write you will understand, lostsoul209. Not because you are stupid, but because you're not in a state of mind to be perceptive to much of what any of us say as long as you feel connected to being a lost soul and having the symptoms of obsessed love (as njlady has pointed out). Unfortunately, most of us on this site at one point went through this (I definitely did).
I'm not a psychic, but my perception of things here is that you are likely to fuck up this connection with the girl as long as you keep perceiving things through the leanse created by psychics 🤧