These are 2 stories among other that I found from a relationship forum that is inspiring and might help others while they are moving on or waiting on a prediction.
Hi,
I came on this site a 2 years ago after my ex dumped me looking for some hope and inspiration to get her back. I promised myself that if I got her back I would post on this site to inspire others. Back then I had in my head I would post an inspirational story about how my ex realised what a mistake she had made and how much she realised she loved me and came running back blah blah. Well here I am and the story is quite different from what I expected it would be. Yes I got her back and all that but the main thing I wish to share is the difference in myself and how important it is to your life whether you get your ex back or not.
I had been with my girlfriend for 6 years and we had always had an up and down relationship due to my depressive tendancies and health anxieties. I would drive her mad worrying about illnesses and obsessing over little stuff that meant nothing. 2 years ago we moved from a house I owned to one which we bought together. This should have been an amazing time, new beginning, a house that was ours. Unfortunaetly I became obsessed about my health and it was the last straw for her. One rainy sunday she came home and told me it was over. I cried I begged but she had had enough. Over the next few weeks she spent most of her time at her friends house and would only come home once a week to get clothes etc. In all this time I texted called begged and generally annoyed the hell out of her. I booked into to see a counsellor to help my health anxiety, told her I was changing and that it would be better. This is important! she didn't want to be with me but I would not accept this and could not leave her alone trying to explain why it would work and how I would change. I didn't stop to see how she might be feeling, how hurt and how upset she was too.
This went on for 4 months while we decided about what would happen with the house etc. I only saw he once, maybe twice a week. During this time I would make sure that whenever she was home I would be there cooking dinner or cleaning trying to show her how different I was. None of it worked. although we were civil it was never like it was before. I would sit at home or work crying and moping wondering how I could live without her, how to stop this pain, how to get her back.
There came a point where I was called in by my boss and basically told my work was suffering and that I was close to losing my job. I went home that day even more depressed than normal. I felt like ending it. I told my ex this in a teary phonecall. It only made the situation worse. She could see it for the emotional blackmail it was. I want to tell you that she was adamant that it was over and that we would never be back together. That night was the longest of my life. In the small hours of the morning I realised a simple truth. SHE DIDNT WANT ME ANYMORE.
The next day was different, although still depressed I felt oddly relieved that it was over. I had no need to let the hope of getting back with my ex hold me back and control my every waking action. I was free I suppose. I continued with my anxiety counselling but now I really focused on it. This was for me and my future, not for my ex or anyone else. It was to benefit me in the long run not to appease a person that no longer wanted me. I joined a gym with my mate and started working out. A cliché I know but after a month of dragging myself there while still depressed over my ex I started to actually enjoy the gym. I bought some new clothes and started to go to the pub with my mates while looking up some old friends. I developed a life outside of my ex. During this time I was still making sure I was home when my ex was and still cooking her meals etc. I didn't mind that to vbe honest as that's just the sort of person I am but I realised I was planning my life around when my ex was back. I made a desiscion that from then on I would be out the house if there was somewhere else I could be.
it had been around 6 months since we had split with my ex rarely in the house. I didn't text or call her unless it was absolutely neccassary and I never mentioned our relationship. I had my own life now. I was fitter, better dressed and socialising without making a timetable around my ex. I even went on a few dating sites and met a couple of people for drinks etc. It was liberating and I realised my life had been defined by my ex and not by myself.
One day out of the blue while I was out my ex texted me asking why I was out a lot lately. I politely told her I was moving on and trying to enjoy my life. She stared to comment on my appearance when I saw her and that I seemed happy and had a lot going on. After a few weeks she found out through a friend that I had been dating and also that I had still been going to counselling and doing very well. I don't know whether all these things got my ex thinking about me positively again but what I do know is this, IT DIDNT MATTER WHAT SHE THOUGHT. I was doing all this for myself and not for someone else. I was concentrating on me and not what my ex would think. I felt good, I looked better and I had a busy life. I was single and it felt great.
It was probably 3 months since I had really started focusing on myself. I had a text from her asking if we could talk. I called and she asked if we could try again as she could see how I had changed and was surprised that I had stuck to the counselling to sort myself out. You know what? I was shocked, it was totally out of the blue and I realised something which stopped me in my tracks. I didn't need to get back with her to make myself happy. I was happy with myslf and who I had become. I was now in a stronger mental and emotional state than before. I still loved her but she was no longer my sole reason for being. Over the next few weeks we chatted and spent time together discussing all that had brought us to this place. We cleard the air and became close again.
This ramble is at its end but I would like to make some points which I feel importnant to getting your ex back or even if you don't.
1) resist the temptation to call/text or bump into them to beg or plead for them back - they don't want to hear it, no matter what you say they have made their descision.
2) invest in yourself, new clothes ,new look, join a gym all the clichés really work but you have to work at them till they do.
3) feel sad but only allow yourself a period during the day to do it. get off your butt and do something else.
4) work at what it was that made them leave. It will only benefit you in the long run.
5) be polite -resist the blame game, don't talk about the relationship
6) move on - sounds hard and it is but you will never have any hope unless you get on with your life whether they come back or not you will be better for it.
Hope this helps someone somewhere.
Thanks
For those who have read my story... My ex of 5 months (Christmas eve day breakup) reached out to me last Monday asking to meet with him. Knowing how calculating and prideful he is, I was really confused as why he wanted to meet with me. I went to meet him since I was never really over him or the relationship. They say things happen for a reason. I didn't beg, plea or ask him to reconcile and there he is. Confessing and admitting that he made the biggest mistake of his life by breaking up with me and how he missed what we had(no other woman in the picture either). He couldn't stop crying and I was crying as hard. Words cannot describe how emotional yet rational we both were as I was starting to realize the guy wouldn't have come down from his horse if he had any other intention rather than getting back together. Out of no where and because I couldn't stand the pressure any longer, I asked:" why am I here?" and he answered:" Because I want to start over. You have my full commitment and I understand you may not be able to trust me. I am a traditional man and I want to take care of you!" His exact words! I owe the return of his to this forum, all those who advised me to stay strong and NO CONTACT, not for his sake but mine, so that I can heal and move on rather then manipulate him and the relationship toward me. He asked me to move in and cohabitate since this is what couples do and he asked me to marry him. He said he wants to leave a legacy and my children and their children are going to be his legacy and that he wants to be a great grandfather to them!!! I may not be posting as much any more as I will need to concentrate on my relationship and making it work since I know it does take 2 to tango. I just want everyone to know to keep working on yourself and make it a goal to heal and move on either way, with or without your exes. I was on the verge of giving up not only on his return but dating and getting into another relationship for ever in total honesty! And here I am, holding my head high and big huge smile because the man I thought I lost to some non sense of his, is back and most likely than ever, he is here to stay! Keep faith and keep NC... I wish you all the happiness out there bcs we all are worth it!
