I have been wanting to post and tell my story here for quite some time. Since i am (as of TODAY) not getting any more readings I guess I can tell my entire story with no regrets. I want to add that it is because of all you beautiful people I can even start to tell it as I have read your stories and felt your pain.
I was originally on these boards as Angel-light. Many of the old timers may remember me. At that time I was breaking up with my bf and waiting around, as we all were, for contact. I have to say, many readers were correct in telling me he would contact me and we would be together and for me, that is all I had t to know. I usually never read more than 6 months out so I had success with many readers. As we all know the smaller contact predictions often come true. Anyway, we did wind up getting back together but I would not call it a relationship. In fact, during that time, I was so distraught because I knew he was chatting and texting with other women. Of all the advisors I read with, only a few mentioned this: Uli (said he was being sneaky with his phone) Queeen of cups, and Cookie. But I kept being encouraged to continue the relationship as it were and be patient (how many times have we all heard this?)
Over the last year I have had so so many readings it would make your head spin. One would go into the next and into the next. I pretended that since I was only calling a couple times a week it was ok, but the truth is that it made me a different person. It made me give him the upper hand because they were always saying how much he really loved me (words I never heard from him) and that he was "almost ready". I will say that I called a few regularly, and some of them would tell me, even with a "good" reading, that I did need to keep my options open and that there was a man who was going to be THE ONE if I let him go. Of course I couldnt do that because I had no self-confidence in my own gut anymore.
The crap finally hit the fan last week, a week ago today, when he said he wanted time to "figure out what he wanted" and needed space for the weekend. That was 1 week ago today. I have had many advisors who say he will be back and want a relationship (yawn) and of course i called for almost a week straight. I spent all last weekend in bed crying and wondering what he was doing. To my credit, I had a mere 10 readings during that period (not bad for a binge eh?) but too many for me. What I realized was that I was holding myself back waiting for this guy to make up his mind about being in a relationship with me. I mean, who the HELL does he think he is? To make ME wait? I am one GREAT woman!!!!! I only starting questioning myself when I started calling advisors.
Now I will say that many of them did say to kick him to the curb - more than I would care to admit. They would say this after saying :I can see he loves you - who would listen to anything after that? I have had a lot of great advice and actually been able to really see where this guy is coming from in a way I wouldn't without their insight. Because I never asked for the "ultimate outcome" I had many accurate readings which kept me going. And if I had a negative reading, I would try a new advisor and get an entirely new waiting period - and so on and so on. You see how they cycle works?
Today, after a week of crying and beating myself up for not hearing from him I realized that I am through the hard part. I am actually further along in getting over him than I realized, and this made me so confident - I looked at myself and said hey I am one bad ass bitch! I FINALLY see that I don't have to wait for him to decide anything - I can choose to live my life right here, right now. So I started making plans. I bought tickets for concerts that I would have waited to do in case he came back. I planned a trip over the 4th of July weekend, the weekend I had tried to get him to commit spending with me. I have a gf coming in to town to spend the weekend - and this was all just in a few days! My point is that I am living for me, regardless of some reading or wanting him to show up again. I know damn good and well he isn;t waiting for me to make his plans and now neither am I and damn it feels good!
Tonight I met a couple girls out and while I was sitting there, I thought of him. And I wondered what he was doing. ANd then I thought about me apart form him...not all tied up together as I had been accustomed. And a beautiful thought popped into my head - now read carefully: I was exited for possibility. I was actually excited about the unknown!!! It was a revolutionary thought - you mean I dont have to try know EVERYTHING before it happens? WOWZA!!! And this immediate PEACE came over me - I knew I would be ok. I knew that, in time, I would meet someone else. I knew that my life would begin anew. I knew I would miss him and cry and be jelly when I saw him with someone else, and you know what - I will be OK when it happens. I may not be perfect and I may want to call again and know all the answers but that's ok. All I have to know right now is that I will be ok. I will be fine, I went through the hardest effen part last weekend and what could be harder than that? Ok lots of things but at least I know I survived and you can too. You don't have to know tomorrow or next years. Life is meant to be a roller coaster and God bless that it is.
Thank you all for sharing your story. It has helped me tremendously in gaining perspective and strength - you all are so brave for sharing!
