i feel dead inside

[WinterElf]

I have not really posted in a while because i was fighting depression and financial issues that stem from my relationship with POI and also KEEN.. aka just psychic readings in general. I feel down and lost and like things will not get better.  It was good for a few weeks doing the manifestations and i was staying away from this forum so i wont see any good reviews on psychics.  But i slipped up today and all those negative emotions are back.

I was doing good for a while, mostly manifesting and praying.  The POI cme back into my life a week ago when we were weirdly put together in the same office room and he finally unblocked me yesterday and said hello.  But then after he said Hello, he said nothing else even when i had responded.   When I let off on the readings and worked on myself things happened.  So I was feeling good today just because i was unblocked and went to a crystal and rock fair.  There was a psychic there who was also selling jewelry.  I was more into her jewelry than getting a reading.  However, she was so pushy about me getting a reading when I really had no desire for it.  I didnt want to get a reading at first but she kept pushing it and i said, fine... i can do a 5 mn reading.  The cards were so bad and she said there was a 3rd person.  Her delivery was rough and she could see me looking really down as each card was put down.  I knew i should not have gotten that damn reading. 

She charged me a bit more than she said it would cost also. She was so sure that there is a 3rd person that he loves now.  Even if there is i am hesitant because when i did believe them about a 3rd person it was wrong and it costed me my relationship with him. i Believed psychics 3 times abut a 3rd person and each time they were wrong.... and each time they said so... it made me irritable and unable to relax with my POI and after being accused by me a couple times, he walked away in June.  Also even if there is, what can i do about it? Nothing. I dont want to be tortured with those thoughts. 

After barely going to psychics i broke and went on a binge after getting that horrible tarot reading from the psychic as the gem fair.  I am so sad now and in mental anguish.  I was doing good. That psychic didnt care when i said i wanted to keep my distance from tarot for a while because it messes with my head or that i was into her jewelry which was slightly cheaper.  She said she would deliver in a kind way but actually she didnt and she was smiling the whole time and saying i can do better etc.

i feel like crying all day and the money i got from doing my part time job today is all gone. I will give this up to god. I cant take this anymore. Psychic readings will ruin your life.  There are only a few a trust and who have been accurate AND NO  i will not tell you their names because it just enables people to go to more people.   in this state i dont want to enable others.    I feel sick, angry, and lost.  My life only got better when i let up off the psychic readings... and one slip up caused a binge. 

Please dont inbox me with a psychic who is "good".  I know i am addicted to this shit and I dont want anything to enable me with these people.  they will F your life up even if you tell yourself it is just for entertainment purposes.  now it is gonna take me afew days to get back on  track. 

[KotaSwan]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a struggle. If possible try letting it go a little by little ( easier said than done I KNOW   ....)


Sending you strength and peace. xx

[WinterElf]

thank you . i wish i didnt feel like this and that i can move on. 

The manifesting works but is it really worth it to do all of this ? IF someone really loved you then it would come easily . the one thing that keeps me hanging on is that I know i messed up things by believing psychics or other people who didnt have my best interest at heart.

I got him back into my world and also unblocked like i prayed about but I am not getting the attention i want.

Also when i told a woman at work that i was dating him this year, she stopped talking to me and got jealous.  I caught her giving me a nasty look a few days ago...

Two guys approached me for a relationship but my heart is still with POI.  One of those guys was there to give me pep talk this year about POI and now he is trying to ask me out.  I dont feel good about that esp when he knows i am still thinking about POI and upset.  I just see him as a friend now. 

Someone who i thought was my friend gave me false info about POI and also said that another guy who was interested in me is married.  That guy told me yesterday that he was not and wanted to know why this so- called friend was saying that he was.  I feel like i am surrounded by people i cant trust .... i just want the POI back the way things were before all these different people came into the picture. 

I feel sick... please stay away from psychics if you can or just find one you can trust.  There is one psychic who was so accurate for me this year but then she told me in july iwould never hear from POI , he would never unblock me etc and she was wrong.  So just keep that in mind that you cant rely on another person's opinion.

[diamondcanadian]

I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this .

I really hope you can be stronger again. You got this 🥰

[WinterElf]

Thank you.  It feels like a nightmare. I really hate that woman i went to today.

Anyways for the steps that got my POI to unblock me/ feel better and come to me were :

Pussy WHipped Lanie stevens
Mirror Manifesting (look it up on youtube)
Water bottle manifesting.  (youtube)
Agnes VIvarelli (youtube)
Martha the dominator
Sainta del la muerte (  i think i spelled her name wrong )
Praying and psalms

[Star_01]

Sorry to hear that you're going through this.

I know the feeling of feeling confused and having a bad reading then worrying about what they said and if it's true with your thoughts racing.

Remember that with all the manifesting and readers nothing can control the real outcome and you have to say to yourself that if this man is supposed to be for you then he will and if he sadly isn't then this time 6 months, next year, or 2 years you will have most likely began moving on and find someone who was meant for you and won't have you calling readers. You'll feel secure and know where you stand and at least you're beginning to recgonise that these readings are unhealthy and fudge up your head and finances.

[maggs30]

I am were you are and its a really shirty place. I know my insecurities are playing a big part in my bf being distant and I'm trying so hard to stop them. I started my new job today... Away from him and I binged bad. And I know a lot has to do with the pressure I caused on him when he's already under so much. I'm trying to give it up to God and its so damn hard. Just know you can reach out if you feel like breaking.

[SomethingBetter]

Feel better.

Make sure you are paying St. Martha and Santisima Muerte properly. Santisima will take away just as easily as she gives.

[kdspirited]

Winterelf. It looks like we have this fact in common that we work with our POI's. Just remember you are more important than anything or anyone. I know its easier said than done but remember that your POI has no idea what you are going through. He is just going about his life no torment nothing. You deserve more than that. You deserve your own peace of mind. I ask myself why am I wanting this person in my life so bad when he is doing absolutely nothing to be close to me. Can you imagine if the scenario was reversed and your POI was meditating for you to come back. You would not stop your life or change a darn thing. Take care of yourself. You are the most important person in this equation. Trust yourself and your gut before you trust any person or psychic.

Focus on you and go on a date even if it is to take your mind of our POI. YOu never know.

[sanshine]

WinterElf,

my heart so goes out to you. The psychic at the fair was completely unethical in pushing for the reading in the first place - so to me that completely voids anything that she would have to say. Theres a karmic
payback for her there. She took your kindness, generosity, sensitivity and vulnerability for a ride for cash - deeply not OK!

I can also really relate to the feeling dead part, love is such a beautiful energy state to be in that its hard to feel really joyful when the person that you flow with is not stable with it. I was in a relationship with
someone for 5 years who was so unstable, coming and going and generally being unclear and dishonest, those behaviors threw me into terrible doubt about myself. The flow of love was so huge that I couldnt
understand why this wouldnt be so important to him. I got caught off balance and spent way too much money, time and emotional resources (and anxiety and depression
were side saddle in all of this too) on something/one that couldnt be resolved  - except inside of me and I resisted that I had to be responsible for myself in this.

I started working with a healer because I needed help to hold a gentle loving place for me to settle and untangle the mess. I am extremely sensitive, intuitive and emotionally mature and I wasnt fully aware of it, let alone
honoring it in any relationship. Just knowing that fact made things a lot more peaceful for me. Most people dont even see how sensitive I am. And I bet a lot of people on this board are a lot more sensitive than most.

It sounds like all of the manifesting work you are doing helped raise your vibration and keep it stable inside, so get back to that and keep holding your energy high and protected - its such an energetic mess
out there.

hugs to you WinterElf

[kdspirited]

What has been helping me is ho 'oponopono prayer by Agnes Vivarelli. YOu can find a youtube link to it.

It helps you desolve the part of you that creates what you are seeing feeling and manifesting. I have been doing this for a few weeks now and it is really helping me fight through my anxiety and attachment