Is anyone else feeling shitty like me

[cj]

I feel so bitter towards life. love. and everything else that comes along with it. Seriously...I get that we need to learn lessons but why does everything have to seem so impossible.

I feel like I have no sense of clarity and no idea where to go..what to do...and where to take this long hard bumpy road. Im sad again...like really really sad again. It almost feel like the day that I found out about the whole preg/baby thing.

[Libra]

Cjean: You should look into finding a good healer. Everything that happens in life is about a relationship. A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF.

[kirakira]

girl, we've all been there    I was not so long ago so I can remember clearly, and all I can think to tell you, after being able to look back, if you can decide to let it go, it will sort itself out.  It's a decision to take care of yourself and look out for yourself and to stop the hurting.  You've given your power away, now take it back.  And it's not just the words and the clever sayings, it's an honest turn for the better and a leap of faith.  The saying about one door closing and another one opening, I have to bring that one up because it's the truest one in this life, it's just how it goes.  Life is full of mystery and things we cannot understand, shit that feels too unfair, but you pick yourself up, dust yaself off and start all over... ain't no thang.  Find a good ass friend and do something fun.  It's Saturday night and you're in NYC, just let yourself.  Either that or go get a Chinese back massage for an hour, that's totally what I want!  And hey!!  be excited wondering what angel's doing right now!!! haha!!!  That woman was with the same man for 20 years!  woo hoo!!! 

[cj]

you're so right Kira..unfortunately though Im so broke...so I have nothing to do tonight. I'll just be calling it a night and sleeping all this sadness off...

I've been here before...and not to say anyone else's pain is less than mines..but theres a baby involved..letting go is one thing but seeing the person you want happiness with, happy in their own stages and changes in their life makes it even worse. It feels like my heart keeps falling apart everytime I pick up some of the pieces

[kirakira]

Exactly though, there's a baby involved.  And if you let yourself live your best life, you'll be hitting those stages too, and you won't feel the same way about him when you're in love again -with a man who's just for you, with a baby that's yours, etc... trust me!!!

[cj]

Im trying..all I want so badly is for me to be happy.

[positivethoughts]

Cjean - Over the past 5 years I've been in your shoes 100 times. It totally sucks but it will get better. I know fri or sat PM can be hard. My old therapist told me to stop looking @ weekend nights as date nights. If I have a free weekend night - clean a closet, read a book, journal thoughts down on paper. I know it sounds simple and silly but after trying it a few times it really helped. That plus a big glass of wine does wonders. hang in there.
pt

[cm12345]

cjean- I totally agree with pt...I have been working with  a metaphysical healer who works with helping you change your energy and he says everytime you look ahead or try to think when something will or won't happen, that is a prediction.  It's okay to have them but my problem (and I'm sure others too) are that I started acting on my predictions.  Like for instance, if I didn't hear from sm in a week i would think omg, he doesn't want to talk to me and be depressed(prediction) or if I was feeling sad and thought that I would never see sm or be happy again I would freak (predicition).  Predictions are okay if you don't act on them, instead be okay with "the moment", what is happening right now, not later, in a day, etc.  Trust me, it is not easy to begin to think like this but I can tell you I have been working on it....I have had scenarios and predictions in my mind for so long and have made myself nuts on things I "thought" but had no reality.  I used to call CP several times a week since the fall and I can honestly say, I have cut waaaaay back on calling because I am just trying to work on what I'm currently feeling or what is currently happening, not what will happen.    I figured I had to change my way of thinking because the way I used to be wasn't working for me and making me crazy.  I don't know if this is related to any of the work I've been doing on myself but sm and I haven't really talked much other than a "hey how are you doing" but the other night when i sent him a "hey, how are you doing" we began talking and he began to slowly open up about his feelings for me....NEVER EVER has this happened in the past!!  Usually, I would begin to plan when I'm going to talk to him or see him again and start thinking about the things that can happen between us but I will say that I am just happy that he is opening up and I am okay with that for now.  I'm not going to freak if I don't hear from him for a while because at least I know how he feels and for now, that is good enough for me!!

[jb27]

PT and CM both very wise words!! I too have cut back on my calling. Just trying to let things unfold on there own still up and down at times but it takes time!!

[positivethoughts]

cm12345 - that's good news about his feelings!! Fill us in...........

[cj]

I dont really care about going out every weekend...I have tons of friends and a great social life...I just want to be with the person I love. Its a void until time or he can fill at the moment. Thats all  but Im working on healing myself...


Crazy thing is I use to think I forgave people easily but Idk if I will ever forgive him...I forgave my ex but I still hold resentful feelings towards him. I think maybe its how the person handles their mistakes...

[Luckystar]

"I forgave my ex but I still hold resentful feelings towards him. I think maybe its how the person handles their mistakes..."

i am so glad you said this. i completely understand. if my sm were to come back around and say "im so sorry, i was wrong, i know that i hurt you and i am sorry" just a SINCERE APOLOGY is what i would like...just to hear that he knows he was wrong and isnt afraid to admit it. he cant take responsibility for what he does so he keeps making the same mistakes.

[cj]

thats what I feel girl..and that is why I can't forgive him or completely move on...I think Im hurting more from the fact that he's not hurting enough from hurting me....

[Luckystar]

" I think Im hurting more from the fact that he's not hurting enough from hurting me.... "

are we the same person? seriously....

[cj]

of course we are csk